home.

well after 3 months of being back home, i'm finally posting this. i've been slowly writing and adding things to this post for a while, but now i'm finally ready to post it. a part of me didn't want to write this because i didn't really wanna face the reality of being back in the "real" world. having to deal with the stress of family, school, work, and a whole flood of other things. i liked the idea that i was on a trip, and wanted to keep my mentality as such.

but things changed, as they always do. and in this case, its for the better. so i'm home now ofically for 3 months. i've started summer school, i've gotten to my regular schedule at work, club has kicked back up again, i'm learning to balance social life and real life...all good things.

so what did i learn from this trip? more than i could have imagined. i spent one month traveling around, visiting friends, driving around, and thinking about life issues. i learned that God has thumb prints all over the place, and if we just take the time to see them, our lives will be all the better.

but that's pretty easy to say after doing a trip like this. i can easily be up on a "mountain top" but come right back to all my filth and get caught back up in it again.

the reality of it is, i'm a changed person. whether or not you've been able to see that in the last few months of being around me or not isn't really the point. truthfully, i was able to show how "good" of a christian i was before on the outside, but on the inside i was dying. for a while, i could put on a good facade, and believe what i was saying, and really try and live it out, but i was going about it in a way that neither was truthful or meaningful.

what is a christian? or better yet, what does it mean to be a follower of christ? when i first set off on this journey, i had a vision of what my trip would teach me, how it would pan out, and what i could take from it. but i had no clue that it would instill in me lifelong lessons. i just figured it would be a super "gnarly" trip in which i would have an amazing time, and do some soul searching along the way.

so back to the question...what does it mean to be a follower of christ? well if i had to say i learned one thing from this trip...i'd be a liar, because i learned a ton haha. but in all seriousness, here's a few things.

experiences. we all have them. good. bad. sad. one's that we remember for a lifetime. some that we wish to forget. others that strike emotion years later. a few that later in life have different meaning. the reality of it all is that we have a tendency to live by those experiences. its something we do as humans. not wrong, but here's the thing. as a christian, (to me at least), i don't think living solely by those experiences can push you closer to God. but learing from them, and using those experiences to seek out the Lord is something i think is big. because that's the ultimate goal right? to be so in tune with our maker that we spend every second of our lifetime intimately with Him? i think God gave us those experiences to show us what a real life with Him can look like and want more of it. those experiences can be driving and motivating factors to seek for something more.

what i think i've learned is that i can't look to find more experiences just to seek out God, because then i almost end up becoming somewhat of a "experience" junkie. just moving from one to the next. God calls us to do something bigger than that. He calls us to seek Him out. To me, God said "find out why you love those experiences so much sush. seek out the real meaning behind it." which is what i'm on an attempt to do now. and a journey that will keep me going the rest of my life.

it was easy for me to come home and ride out that "high" from my trip. you've read my blog. you've heard about the awesome things i've gotten to do. you've read about how God appeared in a million ways in my life. so what i ended up doing is riding that out. but ya know what? it led me nowhere. right back to where i was before i left. you know why? because i finally realized what's been missing from my life.

God.

sounds crazy right? all this time i talk about being a follower of God, reading my bible, having accountability. but you know what? it wasn't nearly as real as it should have been. which isn't wrong necessarily, because being a follower of Christ involves growth. constantly finding out new things, and making some amazing discoveries about what it means to followe the Lord. all my life i've been half in, half out. never truly giving myself up to what the Lord has to offer. and i've never been completely into letting Him change me, move in me, mold me to be the man he wants me to become. and that's what He wants. to have me fully. and i can finally and proudly say that i'll let Him in. fully. sweet right? its exciting. its fun. its the way life is meant to be lived.

quick sidenote-its not like the last year or so has been all fake, all i'm trying to say is that thru all the seasons i've had, when i hit bottom, there were opportunities for me to pull myself out of the slumps, but i didn't rely on the Lord enough, that's all :)


so that's one lesson. prepare to read on friends.

another thing i learned that's big for me: we can't always be on the mountain, because God calls us to the valley. what do i mean by this? well here's a few examples. first one is a practical one in my life. i've been on workcrew two times. gone to camp twice. gone as a leader three times. i've been on summerstaff once and am going again in a week. plus alot of other random weekends at camp. now, the typical thing for me to do is ride off of that "high" i get after coming back. and i try to ride that out, kinda like what i was saying earlier about experiences. i used feed off of that. i want more because we love it, and it makes me "feel" closer to God. great. no problem. it's true. that's exactly what it does. being in a community of believers, (and not just at camp) allows us to do that. we get to see what a clear picture of the kingdom looks like, so naturally it's where we want to stay. but God calls us back down again. He wants us to go back home to where we belong. where the "norm" of life is. what about the transfiguration on the mountain? in mark 9, it talks about how peter, james, and john went up to the mountain with jesus, and his clothes were white as could be, and elijah and moses appeared. Peter said "rabbi, it is good for us to be here, let us put up three shelters.." but they had to go back down to the valley. peter, a follower of jesus! even HE wanted to stay up on the mountain, i mean honestly, who wouldn't?? but God himself said to him, "this is my son, whom i love. listen to him." and of course jesus was all about being in the valley with the poor. heck, he was poor himself!

but i think it shows just how large the spectrum is with this. everyone wants to have that feeling of being on top of the world. the reality is, the broken, the hurt, the lost, and the weak are all in the valley. and i think God calls us into the valley more than the mountain. the mountain is for glimpses into what can be.

another amazing thing the Lord showed me is the importance of friends. obviously i couldn't have even done this trip without friends. i only paid for a hotel twice in an entire month. and that's because my friends were awesome enough to let me stay at their places. the best part? i'd say 90% of the people i stayed with i barely keep in touch with. and EVERYONE i met and stayed with during my trip was through younglife. people who genuinely loved the Lord and welcomed me as a friend after a long time. but that's what the bond of believers does! after not seeing people for close to a year, some not even in 3 years, i was able to call them up and hang out! friends are so important to us as people, and especially as believers. they help encourage us, carry our burdens, share in our good and bad times. they help to keep us accountable. and are there when we just need to talk. i really learned about true friendship and how people will show up for you when you least expect it. and its totally biblical too. i mean Jesus had 12 close friends. and even in that group of friends, he had 3 guys he always was with. it's a clear picture of relationships. God calls us to be with people, to be in community, and to have fellowship, and i loved it.


reliance on the Lord. that's what i think i really learned. realizing that God has a plan for my life and i'm in on the ride of a lifetime. and by not having fear of the future or doubt is allowing me to catch glimpses of that. i made a list in my journal on one of my last days of the trip, here's a few:

-God speaks in solitude
-God shows up in many ways, and is not at all limited
-The God in chicago is the same one everywhere else
-God is pursuing billions of people intimately
-He is there even when we don't feel Him there
-kids my age all over the nation are following Him and seeking out who He is
-you can have non ministry jobs, but be the best at if for the Lord
-freedom in life comes from being in tune with our maker


goodness. joy. peace. happiness. those are the things i feel in life. even in times when i'm sad (which don't happen very often), i can still manage to pull out the good in them. and it's because of what God's doing in my life. it's because he pulled me out of my filth, brushed the dirt of my jeans, and sent me on my way. i write today a man who is currently pursuing a God in which i have no clue just how powerful He is, but am willing to go the distance to find out.

this trip brought a new, and fresh perspective on life for me. it showed me that to be a follower of christ involves spending time in prayer daily. a prayer life is one key thing to seeing who God is more. making the words not just meaningless or routine, but genuine and from the spirit. spending time in the word is another huge part for me. there are so many books out there that tell us how to live, or the right way to do things, and all those perspectives are great, but i'm learning more and more that i need to spend more time in God's word before running to others. and i've said this multiple times before, but really trusting that the Lord has what's best for me. that he has my life already planned out, and that He only has great things planned for me the more and more i rely on Him.

and i've come to the realization that there is NO way to redo this trip exactly. everything that just happened won't happen again like it did. this once in a lifetime trip was just that.

i laughed. i wept. i found solitude. i saw beauty. i sang. i enjoyed fellowship with friends. i saw mountains. i drove thru deserts. i swam in the atlantic and the pacific. i went from the midwest, to the eastcoast, down to the south, to the west, and back again. i wouldn't change one thing about my trip and i'm so thankful to the Lord for letting me have the opportunity to do this.

so, for the last time. in case i don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight.