day 14. who knew panda express actually had sweet fortunes?

"any doubts you may have will disappear this month..."


i went to panda express for lunch. and i'm not big on fortune cookies. but i figured, eh what the heck, i'll eat one this time around. didn't even look at the actual fortune until after i ate the cookie. and THIS is what it had said. what?! my initial reaction was laughter, cause i mean seriously, i'm out here trying to figure out things in life and the main word i keep using is DOUBT, and here comes a fortune cookie from panda express saying doubt will disappear. huh? excuse me? now i'm not saying that this is some crazy prophetic thing, i just think its pretty freaking baller that i got that fortune. and who can actually rule out in what way God speaks to us? there's no law, rule, or anything written saying messages can't come in any way, shape, or form. most atheists at this point would say, "yea, that's just total coincidence. no meaning to it. no purpose. just sheer, dumb, luck."

but what if it's more than that? (and in case your wondering, i'm not talking about the fortune cookie anymore). what if there actually is some sort of "God" out there who ultimately has everything in control? what if He knows all that has happened in our past? all the crap we've gone thru, all the suffering, all the mistakes...who knows our present? what we go thru today, what we struggle with, what we're good at...and who knows our future? where our jobs are gonna be, where we'll live, who we'll marry..that kinda stuff. i mean, i find it hard to believe that this world we live in just happened outta nowhere. i think there HAD to be some sort of reason and rhyme to it?

i had an awesome opportunity to climb a mountain today right behind my friend's house. took me a good 45 minutes to get to the top, but man when i got up there......words can't express what i saw, but i'll try to do it some justice. at the base of the mountain up to a few acres past, i saw nothing but green. plants, trees....beauty. and then a few acres past were some houses, but the green beauty still sat there. a few acres past that was a few smaller subdivisions, and the green beauty was there, but started to fade. past that were some more subdivisions spread over a wider area. and then from there i saw houses after houses after houses, with restaurants, gas stations, car dealerships, schools, starbucks at every corner, grocery stores. by now i'm looking at least 2-3 miles past the base of this amazing mountain and now i see the entire phoenix skyline. and it was cool. but what was crazy here is that from where i was sitting, all the way to the downtown skyline, there was a gradual change.

but you know what? there was no more green. no more trees. no more plants. no more beauty. just modern day society, going about its business as usual. lawyers going to win cases, business men trying to see how they can squeeze out the next dollar, parents dropping their 2 and 3 year olds off at daycare so they could go to work all day, therapists charging hundreds of dollars for a 30 minute "help session", students going to school to study hard and become successful in life, doctors going into hospitals to help people fight death a little longer(and i want to make it very clear that i am in no way saying that these are bad things, i'm just making an observation of it. there is nothing wrong with working hard for a purpse.).....an old lady getting her purse stolen, someone getting car-jacked, 3 bullies beating up a little kid for his money, a man getting shot in cold blood for a few hundred dollars outta his wallet. evil mean threatening our world daily. terrorists blowing up buildings. children being used as work slaves. kidnapped teens being pushed into sex trafficking and unable to get out. drug users being so deep into their "stuff" that they don't see a way out. pain. hurt. suffering. a broken world.

(this is long, but hang in there, i'm getting to the point.)

so maybe the doubts i have about life go beyond just myself. maybe there's doubt about seeing EVERY human on the planet loved, or sheltered, or even given a meal. maybe there's doubts that we can be a world that won't kill each other to gain something. maybe there's doubt about living in a world that won't kill the innocent. maybe there's doubt about living in a world where everyone is looking out for their own needs....if i'm sounding like a total downer here, don't sweat it, thats my point. if these few words about our harsh reality are sinking in with you, thats a good thing. it means there is still some soul left in you that the world hasn't sucked out of you yet.

i would doubt all of this.....if it wasn't for believing that there's a reason to all of it. and that there is a "God" out there who has a bigger, and better plan. one that i can't see now, but if i follow it, i can help to change things. so when i doubt things, i'm initially doubting a plan that has been in the making for thousands of years. and even though i think all of that beauty is gone, i can still see it. not in the landscape, but in other ways. like the smile of an old lady after a young man finds and brings her purse back, or a kid being comforted by his loving father after getting beaten up and told "i love you son, and you did nothing wrong." or a doctor bringing a man who had been shot in cold blood back to life. or a country coming together after some evil men do some terrible things. how about the lawyer that fights for the freedom of women trapped in sex-trafficking? or a business man making an extra dollar to buy a child out of slave labor? and what about the therapist who gives out free sessions to post-rehab drug users on the weekends?

see that? see that there is still so much good to find in this broken world of ours? i love the fact that we have the capacity to love beyond our own comprehension, and we're given the ability to help in every way, shape, and form. my way of doing it is gonna be thru ministry.

so panda express fortune. what do you mean when you talk about doubts? do they pertain to the rest of this trip? my summer? my job? my school? i'd like to think that those "doubts that will disappear this month" are seeming less and less about my own future, and more about the future of this world of ours. and i have a hunch that the "big-guy" upstairs has some pretty radical and awesome things in store for my future. lets just leave it at that...goodnight :)